Yoga Journal #41: Fucking beautiful

Was my turn to do the “teaching” to the whole class and adjustments – absolutely LOVED it! Was much more nervous thatn I thought I would be! Started off really well – I thought I fumbled a bit on the feeting then became a bit more nervous adn shaky – although after speaking to people after – they said they really loved it. One of the girls even came up to me especially to say how much she loved my voice and the adjustments that I gave to her.

Was actually a bit sad that I only got to teach on Sun Salutation and – I was so ready and rearing to reach more! Was strange to me that some of the others girls who were adjusting/teaching were SO nervous that they didn’t even enjoy it. I was nervous – but MAN! i LOVED it. Feels like this is TOTALLY what I was meant to be doing with my life!!

Was interested to get feedback on the adjustments because I know that I tend to be more firm in my adjustments rather than soft. Everyone came back and said they loved them. One of the girls was SO super smily and happy when she came over and told me how much she loved my adjustments – which made me feel SO happy!!!!

Had Bhagavad Gita lecture today – was really interesting and ended up singing Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna – Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare.

Ended up crying through it just from being so overwhelmed with joy/life/happiness/connectedness/community/gratitude. So many of the other girls were in tears too and it feels so weird and strange to try and explain that to anyone else without them thinking that you are some crazy dressed in orange robes smashing a tambourine dancing around Oxford street with bells on your feet. I’m not there. (yet).

But its weird and hard to explain  – it’s not in praise of “Krishna” as whatever you would think of that – it’s a connection to yourself, to your own infinite power, your own brilliant being and your connection to everything.

Gabriella told us that crying is sometimes a necessary release, a cleansing, an emotional blockage that needs to leave and that a person with any degree of being awakened can readily feel and connect with that essence through chanting and mantra.

Whatever it was – it was fucking beautiful.Came home and literally sat on my floor (technically I got on my knees – but writing that makes me sound creepy) and just said thank you for this amazing journey I am on – the most incredible people that have some into my life, and the absolute awesomeness that I am connecting to within myself and within the world around me – which really is all one in the same.

Halfway through my crying – Kelly passed me a tissue – to blow my nose and wipe my tears – and then about 2 seconds later had to ask for half of it back for her own tears! hahaha Awesome. (And kind of gross). I just LOVE all of these beautiful yogis!!

Warr is out – coming home with some dins – feel weird about telling him about me crying in Hare Krishna without him thinking that I’m an ABSOLUTE looney.

Will see how THAT goes. lol.

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