Tips for traveling asia: Toilets

After backpacking around Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos for 5 weeks – I feel I have become an unequivocal expert on Asian lavatory-systems. So I’d like to provide some tips for traveling asia: toilet edition. I would like to impart some of my accumulated knowledge with you to better prepare you if you ever decide to have an extended period of bumming around Asia. (see what i did there? lol.) I have identified five varieties of Asian Ablutions. Pay attention:

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That was a joke.
I was making sure you are paying attention.
This stuff is serious.

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look at your shaky legs. and you haven’t even assumed the position yet. lol.

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(I recommend pre-Asian-holiday quad-squat marathons in your nearest gymnasium. You’ll be grateful.)

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DO NOT SIT DOWN.

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YOU DIDN’T DO YOUR EXERCISES!!

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really.
No pre-purchased toilet paper in your hand-bag?
THE VERY FIRST VITAL RULE of backpacking Asia.

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yeah, bet you wish you had done those quad-squats now.
too late buddy.

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don’t drink the water.
i’m not kidding.

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You may want to practise a few emergency landings too.

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A clothes peg will help. But not much.
Practise natural mouth-breathing techniques.

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Rogue twigs.
GAAH.

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Not even 8 year olds can get away with this.
Girl-aiming is tricksy, but you really need to try.

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you don’t want other people watching.

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There is a fine line between avoiding ‘the others’ and becoming ‘that person’.

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just kidding,
water is good for you.

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