The Journal

Yoga Journal

As part of our yoga teacher training, we were required to keep a journal documenting all the times we did and didn't practice yoga. In the non-internet world, I wrote my journal entries into a beautiful book that Warren bought me. I decided to transcribe my journal entries into this online space after many people indicated that they would be interested in reading it. Since completing my training, I have tried to keep up with this journaling since I think it is an invaluable way of reflecting and finding gratitude in our every day lives.

Yoga Journal #88: what a lot of pots I got

I was journaling this morning and for some reason, it all became very cartoony, maybe my mind only thinks in pictures – who knows? I’ve been working all morning on the yoga home practice E-course and I needed a break from it, so I’ve decided to jot a few things down here.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have all these different pots on the stove top. Big pots, smaller pots, multi-coloured pots, filled with hot liquids. For a while now, I have been stoking fires under each of these different pots – wondering if any of them are going to take. I have been tending to these fires, laying kindling, blowing air and expending a lot of energy to keep them all burning – each pot has a different boiling point, and I can literally feel pressure rising and things getting hot.

There is a lot on the go in my life at the moment, from a business perspective: I teach yoga,  I’m busy planning to teach at Anna Marsh’s retreat, I create graphics and illustrations (I’m busy updating my website), I run an online store, I create wedding guestbooks, I’m busy creating a yoga E-course, I offer branding packages to yoga teachers, I run social media accounts – including recently the wedding dress adventures – which we would really like to make something awesome out of, I’ve been slowly working to bring content from my old personal blog onto this platform. Oh, and I also have a husband and a life (sort of).

Lately I have really been feeling like all these pots of liquid on these fires that I have been stoking for so long now, are really starting to simmer. The simmering is getting more and more intense and I’m trying to keep everything calm and controlled before EVERYTHING all boils over. It’s a nervous feeling and it’s an exciting feeling. Because on the one hand, how amazing would it be to have all the kindling that I have laid paying off and having all these pots cooking for me at the same time. But on the other hand – potential third degree burn. It’s hard to know which pots to focus my energy on in which particular moment and which pot is suddenly going to spontaneously bubble over and burn me. It feels like this simmering stage is about to explode and a little bit of me is worried about this explosion of HOT BOILING LIQUID all coming at me at the same time. Part of me is terrified, and part of me is oddly and wildly thrilled by it all. Wildly thrilled, but also packing safety goggles, just in case.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

Yoga Journal #87: Rest Days and energy

Im waiting to head out to teach (literally sitting at my desk with a back pack on waiting for the bus) – so thought I would quickly check in here.

Yesterday was “rest day” from the marathon training (thank goodness), today was a 20 min run, which was average. Tomorrow I have a 30 min run to do and then Saturday is 5 miles! I converted 5 miles into kilometres and it is 8. EIGHT. Eight, people. I feel like that’s a bit aggressive for where I am right now, I have to be honest. Good thing, I have checked my schedule, and it appears I am going to have the flu on Saturday.

No, just kidding, I will (try) power on. I can’t say it will be wonderful though.

It’s almost been an entire year since I qualified as a yoga teacher and I am definitely feeling a strong desire to LEARN more. (Booked myself into a workshop tomorrow evening – ({on a Friday night, have you ever?} must be all that running I’m doing). But in spite of this desperate need to want more knowledge, more information, more spiritual teachings, I had such an interesting experience the other night at the advanced yoga class in Wimbledon I was teaching. I taught a heart opening class, I spoke about the koshas and the layers that we break through in our yoga practice and how a heart opening class can often help release energy and help us delve deeper into the mind stuff, the heart stuff and the energetic body.

At the end of the class, I merely observed. I observed the students in the class and the energy in the room. Compared to when they entered, at the end of the class, I noticed a much more chatty and lively atmosphere. The room felt light hearted and energised, open and unburdened. Energy was moving. And it’s taught me something: sometimes it’s less about having to learn more, understand more, know more – sometimes it’s only about being open, being present and merely observing. Because everything we need to know about this energetic, spiritual journey we are on, already exists within us – we just need to tap in.

Yoga Journal #86: Trust the process

Went for my second “scheduled run” today (week day, day 2 of the schedule) – a 20 minute run. My body was a bit tired from yesterday I think. I had reached the 18 minute mark RIGHT as I reached the door to our apartment building. I had two more minutes to go and was already at my front door. I could VERY easily have decided that 18minutes was enough – but then I remembered Kristy’s comment that she left on the previous journal entry – about running being SO much about the mental. So, I ran past our building, and into the cul-de-sac to touch the wall and back. And then I had to run in a circle around the garden for 10 seconds, because FUCK YOU TIMER.

Whilst I was just thinking about how tough it was to run for 20 mins, my mind then jumps to the half marathon day and suddenly 21km seems like the stupidest idea in the world! It’s very hard for me not to think, “well this running schedule says I must run for 20 minutes today, but if I’m going to make 21km – I should probably be running more than that!! It’s very hard for me not to want to jump straight to the end goal.

This has made me think a lot about what it means to practice yoga as a beginner. It’s very easy to think that we have to jump straight into the “crazy yoga” the ones with the pretzel twisted shapes and arm balances and wild hand-standing. It’s easy to want to throw ourselves in thinking that “if we are going to get to doing arm balances – (if we are going to run 21km) then we should just fling ourselves into arm balances (I should probably just try and run 11km today at least!)”. The thing is, we have to let go and trust the process. If I suddenly tried to run 11km right now – yes I could probably do it (although, I will no doubt be hobbling most of the way), but I need to learn to let go, to trust the process. To trust that moving steadily with trust and confidence will get me there in a way that is safe and good for my body. I’m learning a lot in the whole running thing.

Just like in the yoga practice, we need to do the work, we need to show up and practice. We need to work on all the building blocks that form the foundation of all the “crazy yoga” so that one day it all just fits into place. One day we just run 21km without even thinking about it, because we have done the work and laid the foundations to getting there.

Well, that’s what I’m telling myself at least.

Yoga Journal #86: Marathons and Mindfulness

So, you may have read in the previous entry, I’ve signed myself up for a marathon at the end of March. I think it’s a good idea to always keep pushing and developing yourself in new ways and I don’t know why I decided to pick a half marathon, but I did. I think it will be really useful for me, as a yoga teacher, to do something that makes me physically uncomfortable (Running = NOT my natural thing), so that I can better relate perhaps to beginner yogis who practice with me, who feel like the physical aspects of the practice are just too much, too uncomfortable, too far to have to go. This way, I will be able to say – YES, I really know what you mean. Let’s do it together.

Started a little “marathon training” plan (have decided to follow this one  – mainly because it had the word “easy” in it). Set off this morning for a 30 min run and have realised that I am perhaps running a bit too fast for a longer endurance marathon. Ran for 32 minutes with an average per km of 5.44mins. I stopped once (twice, okay three times) to catch my breath “check the route” and then again (thank goodness) when I bumped into a friend at the bus stop. Running is HARD ASS. Felt like I was literally dragging myself across the pavement. I’m hoping these feeling are arising because it’s my first run in ages. But man alive, these people who just run for days, I freaken salute you – you are HARD CORE.

Anyway, the practice of yoga has always been interesting to me, because it’s become an observance of how the mental body affects the physical body. How the mind affects the physical performance. This morning, my brain was running at one hundred miles an hour – thinking of everything I needed to get done today – (e.g.: packaging up 100 Valentine’s Day Orders before 12:30pm, having run out of envelopes to package them in, so spent the large part of the run trying to figure out that little tricky scenario.) So it was interesting to observe perhaps that because my mind was running so fast and with so many things in my head and to-do lists, how my body wants to run a bit faster too to try and keep up.

Over the next few sessions, I’m going to see if somehow I can integrate the practice of yoga more into the running that I’m doing. I have done some walking meditations and a few running meditations using headspace, but will see if I can bring it out on my own. When we bring ourselves into “yoga” or that state of being completely connected: body and mind, it can often highlight where exactly sensations are arising, how the physical body is feeling, how we are adjusting and where we are holding tension. I can pretty much guarantee that because running is SO not my thing (actually, I find it fucking difficult) it will be really hard at first, but we shall persevere!

Also, whenever I go for a run, I feel like I legitimately deserve ALL THE CARBS IN THE WORLD. So, there’s that.

Yoga Journal #85: Marathons

I thought I would quickly scribble down some of my thoughts of late  – I can’t believe it’s almost been an entire year since graduating as a yoga teacher! It’s been a crazy mad year. In fact, this time last year I was slap bang in the middle of my yoga teacher training – feeling all weird and “what now?!” and wondering if I was destined to move to a mountainside to live with a bunch of goats. (That thought seriously did cross my mind. Yoga is a very powerful and weird thing when you dive so deeply into it, trust me.)

I will definitely do more of a reflective post come March 29 (the day we graduated!) but I feel I’m on the right track. In lass than a full year, I’ve taught yoga brunches, beginners courses, advanced yoga courses, covered classes in the city, covered classes in yoga studios, my yoga content has been featured on big yoga sites, I’ve taught open classes at fancy yoga clothing stores, I’ve assisted in yoga classes of more than 100 people, I’ve taught kids yoga, I’ve created a kids yoga game (more details to follow), I’ve set up three of my own regular classes, I’ve created Christmas classes, I’ve had my yoga greeting cards stocked in various yoga studios (including in California!), I’ve connected with amazing yogis, and I’ve hosted my first yoga retreat. My journey as a yoga teacher, I know has only really just begun and I’ve really only just begun to scratch the potential that there is out there for me to explore, but for the first 11 months, I’d say I’ve done ok.

There is another quite honest amendment to be attached to this post, but I think I will save it for a full blog post, when I have the time, because it’s important that I put it out in a way that makes sense and is eloquent – but it’s my reflections on the first year of teaching, what I have learnt, how I have grown and an open letter of apology to yoga teachers everywhere.

Stay tuned, but until then, I’ve got a class to teach! xo

Oh, PS – I’ve signed myself up to run a marathon, hence the title.

Yoga Journal #84: Weekends

Having a little check in on the January habits and routine thing. I’ve definitely noticed it’s easier to keep the habits up over the week than it is over the weekend when the “usual” routine shifts slightly in any case – we wake up later, usually have coffee in bed and the day starts there rather than from the morning routine of yoga, hot lemon and water and a few minutes of journaling. The past two nights I’ve gotten home late from teaching (the road was closed two nights ago and no buses running up the hill) so I haven’t had time to properly set up my day as per what I had set out in my evening routine and it shows the next day. I definitely feel way more in control of my day when I stick to the morning habits and evening habits – but it isn’t always the easiest! The hardest thing for me still is without a doubt putting my phone away. I think from next week I will try getting a regular alarm clock (what IS that even?) and making a rule for myself that the phone only comes out after 8. Or 9. We’ll see how we go on that. ha!

I haven’t quite hit the “recommended water intake” for normal functioning humans, but I have definitely become a lot more aware about drinking water – and I have found that (as gross as it may be for some people) having my water warm in my water bottle encourages me to drink more! I absolutely hate being cold and I just can’t bring myself to drink cold water when it’s 3 degrees outside. Whatever works I suppose. In terms of exercise I would say I haven’t been that on game either – I have done yoga every day – but I think that because yoga is so much a part of my every day life – that I don’t really count it as exercise any more! Which is strange because it can definitely get the blood pumping and the muscles working. (Just as an aside, my phone that is lying face down next to me right now has just made a little alert, but I am resisting with everything in me, not to look at it. *well done self*). I’ve run once this week, but I would like to include some more cardio/runs (SO FREAKEN HARD WHEN IT’S ARCTIC OUTSIDE) and some weight training next week.

It’s been easy for me to keep up the gratitude section of the print out I created. I have also ordered a day planner via a kickstarter campaign I found and have printed out some of the pages before the actual planner arrives. They also detail a section for “5 things I am grateful for” so I’ve been doubling up on the feel good factor. I have read, seen, heard, again and again and again the power of waking up within a framework of gratitude. It’s actually slightly more challenging (I find) creating a gratitude list first thing in the morning (which seems to be the recommended thing), because unlike at the end of the day when you can quickly run through your day and pick out the best bits (“hooray! the bus arrived!” or “sushi for supper!”) doing it in the morning kind of gives you a blank slate and you have to revert back to some of the more foundational things that make you grateful: good health, family and friends, a roof over your head.

So anyway, my phone has just buzzed again, it’s probably an emergency,

I’d better check.

Yoga Journal #83: Habits & Routine

As part of January (and the mailer that went out this afternoon) I’ll be focusing on habits and routine this month and have an accountability chart to track my progress. Am working on maintaining 5 “resolutions” this month – 1. a morning routine (including journaling, yoga, meditation, reading) 2. an evening routine, (including ten mins “tidy up” planning for tomorrow and filling in resolution chart) 3. putting the phone away (less time on social media aimlessly), 4. drinking more water, 5. exercise (non yoga) regularly. Thought I would use this journal space as another place to keep accountability.

Today went ok – did morning routine like a ninja. Have so far achieved evening routine (typing this in the evening after 10 mins “tidy up” – got really into it surprisingly (from the person who is the messiest-cat)). Wasn’t so great on the “putting the phone away front – started out strong this morning with not being on my phone but then it gradually landslided (landslid? Is that even a word?) anywhoo – I pretty much failed at that. But it did make me more aware of how often I unconsciously reach for my phone. Didn’t get a giant sweat on today – so no gold star for the exercise habit. (I did for a fleeting second contemplate going for a run – but then remembered how fucking cold it is. No thanks. Will try again tomorrow.) Just need to finish up my evening routine by planning tomorrow – which will include sending off a new card order to be printed, completing some graphic work for a client, planning a yoga class and playlist for Thursday, teaching a kids yoga session, replying to emails and working on a project I am busy with. Working on less busyness and more productivity.

Should probably have started the first journal entry of 2016 (and my first journal entry in ages) with some kind of reflective post, or some kind of “goals for the coming year”. Oh well. Anyway, welcome to 2016 – I feel big things coming and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be awesome.

Am off to bed now, husband is already asleep – jet lag (from our trip to Australia is still in full swing). Looking forward to getting my kickstarter goal planner diary!

Yoga Journal #82: Feeling ALIVE (& thought choices)

Feeling ALIVE.
Started my 6 week course last night and absolutely LOVED IT. I think the thing I am most looking forward to is seeing the change and the growth of these 11 yogis who are sharing this experience with me. No matter how far I go in my yoga “career” and no matter where it takes me, I will always  remember this group because they are the first. I have SO much to give these people and so much to learn from them and I’m so excited about this journey that we are sharing together.

As part of the 6 weeks, as we did on our teacher training, I’ve encouraged them to keep a yoga journal. I’ve decided to kick off this journal again- since it would be a bit douche-baggery of me to expect them to do it and not do it myself.

So what to report. I have been loving the home practice/home play lately although I did a wheel adjustment in a cover class I was teaching about 3 weeks ago (didn’t stabilise my own body before making the adjustment) and did something strange to my back- (lesson learnt!) it’s only starting to feel back to normal now. But now something at the top of my neck feels a bit off. I never really get aches and pains so I think I have definitely underestimated how physically demanding being a full time yoga teacher can be.

I have taught about 7 cover classes over the past few weeks Over the Wednesday and Friday lunch times. Last week those covers came to an end and quite synchronistically (#indiewordinvention) I received an email from Holly asking if I would be able to cover two of her classes for her. Holly trained us during our teacher training and I think she is one of the most incredible yoga teachers that I know – so I felt incredibly honoured that she had asked me to cover a class for her. After receiving that email from Holly, my mind went through an entire myriad of thoughts ranging from extreme panic to an insane sense of feeling awesome.
Holly is literally one of my idols – so to have her ask me to cover one of her classes felt surreal.
But here is the thing: there could be a million different reasons why she asked me to teach her class –
1.) She had already asked everyone else and no one else could do it.
2.) She needed a last minute replacement and had to opt for someone with a flexible schedule
3.) Most other yoga teachers she knows were busy at that time OR
4.) She has trained me as a yoga teacher, has seen me in the capacity of a teacher and felt confident in my ability as a teacher to cover her class.
Whatever her reason for asking me, MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE to the fact. The one (and only) thing that makes a difference is which of those options I CHOOSE to believe. Because what I CHOOSE to believe in that situation (as in any situation) affects my entire subconscious reality – which, obviously, affects my entire actual reality. The way that I arrive to that class is either as someone who a) is a last resort or b) the person that someone else fully believes in. Nothing in reality has changed about the situation except the way in which I frame it in my mind.
I think generally we spend WAY too much of our lives framing things down for ourselves. Giving ourselves a crappy little pound-land frames, when really – we could choose to set our life situations in brilliant-gold-rimmed-heavy-wooded frames (if that’s what you’re into). The picture remains the same regardless, but the way in which we frame it and hang it in our minds is entirely up to us. And as we know, the way in which those pictures hang in our mind affects the entire equilibrium of our picture wall, which affects the balance of our room, and the zen of our entire house.
So anyway, I’m off to Feng Shui our passage.

Yoga Journal #81: Icelandic Intentions

A little while ago I entered a competition to win a trip to see the northern lights. (See here).

Absolutely amazingly, last week I received an email to tell me that we had won the trip! Flights, accommodation, hotel, food, excursions all included. Absolutely amazing!! I am feeling SO super grateful!

The strange thing though (hippie alert) is that in some way, I honestly feel like I had manifested this entire thing into being. When I phoned Warren to tell him the exciting news, the first thing he said (after “No way!! that’s AWESOME!”) was “you totally intentioned this”

And yes. It’s true. 100% completely true. I feel like I have intentioned it. Just like you can intention ANYTHING for yourself.

For the past little while, long before I even started writing my blog post entry or thinking of the ideas for it- I began meditating on this amazing trip to Iceland to see the Northern Lights. I sat (most) mornings and focused all my energy and attention on us leaving for this trip, not only for the trip, but for how it would feel to receive that email in my inbox telling us that we had won. Not only did I visualise every moment in this event, but I FELT every single feeling connected to it within my body. I had gone so far in this visualisation and manifesting in my mind that I had started rehearsing the phone conversation that I would have with Warren to tell him the news.
(“Hello”
“Hello – I was wondering if you had a big jacket for me to borrow?”
“There is one in my cupboard – why?”
“No. But like a really warm one.”
“Ya- you can take the one in the cupboard, but why do you need it?”
“Because, we’re going to Iceland!”)
(Note: a version of this conversation ACTUALLY happened a week or so after I started ‘rehearsing’ it)

It was so real in my mind that I had in fact already won it. A few weeks ago, I met with some blogging girls for breakfast before the May bank holiday weekend. Warren and I had been looking to go away for the weekend to Amsterdam but the last minute flights and accommodation were all just proving to be a bit too expensive. Having really been feeling the cabin fever (working from home, living at home etc) – I had been desperate to get away somewhere and was a bit disappointed that nothing had worked out for the long weekend. I was discussing it with the girls at brunch and I had to stop myself half way through a sentence which started, “but don’t worry guys because…”

The ending to that sentence, already constructed in my mind, finished “… we’re going to see the Northern Lights.”

Around the time when I thought the winners would be announced, I kept checking my email and when I told Warren I had been checking my email all day it was never “I’m waiting to see if we have won” it was “I am waiting for my email”

This was never coming from a place of arrogance or self righteousness- there were some amazing entries (I saw a few of them but after a while stopped looking because it started throwing me off my visualisation game), it was only coming from a very deep place of belief.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying that all this had anything to do with us winning. That me visualising, manifesting, rehearsing, truly feeling this experience had anything to do with anything. And to be honest – you can believe whatever you want to believe.

All I’m saying is that I’m the one with two tickets to Iceland.

Yoga Journal #80: Exposed

Throughout my training as a yoga teacher, we were required to keep a journal, documenting the times we did and did not practice yoga. I was documenting my experience in my journal and then began transcribing all the written diary entries onto this website. There was something a bit ‘secret’ about writing the journal entries into my book, knowing that they would only be transcribed months and months later. I have finally caught up with the transcribing up to the present day and suddenly it feels a lot more “exposed”/ raw. I’m not sure?!

I’d like to keep up with the journaling, although it’s taken a bit of a slow-down in the last few days. It’s bizarre, because in the middle of running my own business and doing a teacher training and trying to fit all of that in, I still managed to keep up a journal – (because I was required to), but now even though I no longer have the entire course to try and get through – (which technically should mean I have a whole whack of extra time), I haven’t managed to fit it in. I guess the time in your life makes space for the things that you allow it to.

I’ve been sick for the last few days and haven’t done much proper yoga at all – which obviously makes me feel worse. Tried to do a bit today – but was all blocked up and felt shit.

Met yesterday with an awesome girl who has asked me to teach at a yoga brunch she is hosting. I’m SO super excited. It seems lately that things are kind of just falling into place and it all just feels SO right. It’s weird to say this because I’ve hardly even started teaching – but it honestly feels like teaching yoga feels just like the most natural thing to me. I LOVE the idea of standing up in front of a group of people (I have all my life), I love the creativity of sequencing, I LOVE helping others being able to live their best lives, I LOVE inspiring other people and I love the unique things that I can bring to classes. Everything just seems to fit.

Haven’t been eating the healthiest lately! (*she says as she scoffs the remaining bag of malteasers next to her*). Think I need to get back on the band wagon with that for real. Am keen to hit up a few more runs during the week. And I want to get back to a more routine morning. Think I need to set myself a 30 day morning challenge. Starting tomorrow!

Yoga Journal #79: Freestylin’

Busy working out a sequence to teach tomorrow!

Have plotted out a basic structure but deciding to wing it a bit – don’t want to be stuck with scripts all the time and think I will learn faster and grow quicker as a yoga teacher if I move away from them. Obviously I have an idea of what I want to do etc – but also be more free-flowing. Like yoga!

Yoga Journal #78: Back to journalling

Took a bit of a break from journalling after the end of the course just to catch up with life etc! I’m SO excited to assimilate everything we’ve learnt in the real world!

Have been to a Mysore practice and can’t believe how amazing it is – am definitely feeling like my practice is progressing and not just practicing when I am there.
Am looking forward to my one-tone with Holly coming soon and am also teaching some friends outside on the weekend – nervous and EXCITED!

Yoga Journal #77: The finishing sequence.

Today was our last day of training – it was surreal to say the least.

Holly asked us to sum up in one word – the journey or experience that we have come on and I was stumped. The first word that came to my mind was “life changing” followed by “transformative” followed by “incredible”.

But how can i?

How can I sum up in one word this experience? How can I reduce to characters in an alphabet this sense of new beginnings, or awakening or budding, of absolute life changing journey. It’s not possible. You have to experience it to know it.

It was the most emotional sun salutations ever. When Kamilia began with generosity and ‘when you are generous in spirit and you give, it is when you give that you never feel that it has cost you anything”. Maybe because Holly had mentioned my generosity in my teaching feedback, but the tears just rolled off my face, dripping onto my mat – this new mat, which is really at the end of one journey and the start of a very new one and already dripping with emotion and heart and sweat and tears.

My eyes were red, my gaze was blurred, my heart was beating and the words filled my senses:

love, truth, generosity, gratitude, peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace.

Yoga Journal #76: Prac Exam and Train delays

Woke up early although I hardly slept at all! Was too nervous/excited / i don’t know what!?

Had a green smoothie for breakfast then headed down to post office to post some orders. Bought some juices and gift for Holly and just felt calm, awesome, prepared and ready for this

Spent the morning just gently walking thought the sequence, then an hour before doing a really proper walk through.

I caught a bus with loads of time to spare and ended up at Waterloo WAY ahead of schedule. Got onto the Jubilee line at Waterloo – got onto a train and then just sat there. Eventually with the time running out till my exam (thinking I may have to defer for another three months/year etc) I made a call to get off the tube, run up the stairs, run to an ATM, draw money, find a cab, give directions and get to Bermondsey and hitting 11 red lights out of a possible 12. My heart was absolutely pounding  – I was getting/feeling anxious and the first thought that came to my mind was WOW! I’m so grateful for this feeling of stress because to teach a yoga class after this I will be SO completely relaxed! It’s strange how after 3 months, your perspective on everything from traffic jams and train delays and EVERYTHING can completely change.

My world has been completely changed.

The teaching went so well. It felt amazing, authentic, genuine, real, awesome.

Holly gave us some feedback straight away – passed both exams with 100% and great feedback from the teaching prac.

SO happy.

Yoga Journal #75: Timing is everything.

Went to Jessica for a second round of Hypnotherapy – will see how it goes! Offered to teach her a yoga class before – I was slightly off in the timing so left out 2 standing postures to get back on track – was trying to figure out why – think we spent a bit of time dealing with a yoga mat issue and then shuffling around the space – so will put it down to that!

Jess feedback was that she loved it – especially coming back to the intention which we had set at the beginning as being at peace with where we are today in the body or perhaps moving with love and kindness. She liked the adjustments and was amazed at how much further she could go with her body – she said that it makes such a difference having a yoga teacher watching you specifically and adjusting to your needs. I agree!

Decided to book a one-to-one with Holly for after Easter – am excited for it – because I know how good it will be!

Had Mysore style practice this evening – I kept looking at my watch and keeping pace – it seemed that everyone was WAY ahead of me – some had even finished the entire thing before I had got to the end of the seated sequence – which freaked me out and made em question and doubt Warren’s 1980’s digital wrist watch! (That he had when he was 10!) haha

At the end though, Holly commented that Hayley, Holly and I got timing gold stars. Well done self! Think the timing is slightly different when you aren’t teaching!

Philosophy exam was good – like the paper!

Came home to Warr’s message saying to look in the drawer – where he had wrapped up another two gifts for me! Some lovely yoga vests  – will wear one to my prac exam!

My wish is for every girl in this world to find a man like him. He is so amazing and thoughtful. But not SPECIFICALLY him – because he’s taken! hehe!

Yoga Journal #74: Confidence, comfort, gratitude.

BUSY DAY! Woke up and headed to the printers to get orders printed, then rushed to post office to ship off orders. Then to shops – even bought a mint pot plant to try recreate the juice that Siobhan made. Literally cycling in my bike, with my mint pot plant in my basket with my canvas tote bag of groceries – felt so fucking organic.

Hayley came round to so some teaching practice it’s always very different teaching someone who has done the training- they pace is much faster even thought we get through the same amount of postures – I guess though with someone completely new, you as the teacher have to be OS much more alert whereas the people who are also training with you already know all the asanas and sequences so tend to move into them on their own.

She gave me some really nice feedback – said she felt like it was a completely different class to when I taught her in training on Sunday – think my comfort and confidence is growing day by day and I am absolutely loving it!

It was also great to just chat a bit – fell so lucky to have met so many wonderful people – who all have similar interests to me me! Feeling SO excited!

Yoga Journal #73: Bubbling excitement.

Did a personal practice this morning – am just LOVING yoga and loving doing my own practice – I’m excited to start sequencing things together! Need to get busy on the website side of things! Also want to start planning my first yoga event! Nerve wrecking but also SO exciting!!!!

Taught Siobhan this afternoon – felt really good about the teaching, even though I was still quite nervous! Think the nerves will wear off with practice! Timing was good, adjustments were good. Siobhan said she really loved it- so that’s a good thing! Stayed for some delicious juice after and chatted about veggie/vegan stuff. Since i’ve basically been a Deliciously Ella convert in the last few days! Haha!

Came back and did a bit of studying then went for a quick run! Feels awesome to be so active during the day! We were MEANT to live this way!

Also: I deserve a massage when this is all over!

Yoga Journal #72: Happy little crow!

Good home practice!

Yesterday on Instagram someone asked my advice on getting into crow pose – and so I made a quick tutorial – so many people commented and said they were so excited to try it! It made me SO happy to be able to teach people and help people and get people EXCITED about yoga!!!

Really made me feel SO happy!

Had lunch with Lulu – so grateful to her for introducing me to yoga!

Started a bit of philosophy and theory revision.

Missing the man – although there is way less distraction for learning when he is not here! hehe! Also the light bulb in the bathroom blew. Feel VERY un-feminist but I have NO fucken idea how to change it.

Yoga Journal # 71: Pretty extraordinary

Took a break from yoga today. Nothing really extraordinary to report on. Although, every day is pretty damn extra ordinary when you come to think about it.

Yoga Journal # 70: Using the bathroom

Class with Rahoul – was really good – strong and powerful.

Lectures on one-to-one and finding the correct attitude etc. Some things I guess I hadn’t really thought about – like using the bathroom of a one-to-one client or about not commenting on their house (encourages an attachment to material things).

Did a teaching prac with Hayley – felt SO much more confident – really enjoyed it! Got some great feedback from Hayley – esp on the external hip rotation adjustment in Baddakonasana.

Feeling SO super emotional that the end is coming up so soon – even shed a tear at the end of class today. Don;t want this all to end and for everything to be over! Although really it’s just the beginning!

I guess it’s just that it’s been such an amazing, safe and nurturing environment for growth.

Yoga Journal #69: Giving Birth

Pregnant Yogi! It was Such fun! Grew SO attached to the little bump they made us put into our tops! (Jumpers!). It really is amazing how much more the movement is restricted – and that is without the actual weight to go with it!

Went through a Q & A after – was SO interesting to hear about yoga and the Golden thread breath. Had NO idea that birthing in the modern world would be so primal – but I guess it’s the most primal act that modern science (other than C-sections) haven’t been able to interfere with!

Had a full hour of teaching – really loved it – taught Kamilia – I did think that I would be better than I felt about it – but Kamilia loved it which is a good sign! I think I am just so desperate to be SUCH an amazing yoga teacher that I have definitely put a lot of pressure on myself – think I need to take more of a “yogic” approach – just breathe and let go of the attachment to outcome, and just let the yoga come through me to the people who need it.

Comments from Holly to work on the energy within the class – not starting with too much energy then burning out – but rather developing a subtle energy at the beginning and working to higher peeks within the standing sequences and then tapering off towards the end like a bell curve. Makes a lot of sense. Also addition of more layering of language  – will work on that for tomorrow!

Yoga Journal # 68: ANATOMY EXAM AND “I’m NOT pregnant”

Woke up and iced Sarah’s cake – anatomy cake with bones for the win! (see here). Spent most of the day learning and getting last min stuff in my brain!

Wrote anatomy exam – it went well – guessed the name Femoralotibial instead of Tibiofemoral  – which is a tiny thing that I’ll never forget now! But it just annoyed me – I guess it’s ok in life for things to be not always 100%. Results next weekend with the rest of the exams.

The mom phoned and asked if I was pregnant (haha! Out of NO where?!?) Spent ages trying to convince her that I wasn’t!

Warr phoned me (from South Africa) to wish me good luck for exam and also to tell me that his best friend’s wife is pregnant. Exciting.

After yoga this evening and we were told we will be doing pregnancy yoga this weekend. Haha.

Coincidence?!

ps. Hayley the phsyio in our course said that sometimes Femoralotibial is used instead of Tibiofemoral. Hmm.

Yoga Journal # 67: Cardio, Cakes and studying.

Cycled down to the printers to get some stuff printed for Warr to take back to SA- did yoga in the morn – the timing is great!

Tried to “indicate” on my bike and nearly went into a bush. Thought that cardio-vascularly I would be fitter from all the yoga – my body feels incredibly different in terms of muscle tone, lightness and leanness  but that could also be to do with a more veggie diet – apart from all the yoga.

Sad for the man to leave tonight but at least will get me to focus on the yoga learning – night owl for the win!

Learnt anatomy for most of the day – actually amazing how much I have come to know about the human body.

Wanted to bake a cake for Sarah – W told me that I shouldn’t bake it if I thought it might compromise my studying – but meh, I knew either was I was going to do it anyway – cause that’s just who I am. and then reminded him “Well, that’s who I am and THAT’S why you married me!”

Yoga Journal #66: “learning”

Can’t remember if I did yoga on this day!? (This week was so busy and I’m trying to catch up with this journal!) Current date is 24th March)

Week was filled with anatomy “learning” (which mainly means sprawled on a yoga mat with paper everywhere and drinking too much coffee, whilst checking instagram.

Should probably do a bit more “actual” learning. ha!

Yoga Journal #65: I am enough.

Did the exam sequence this morn – got two postures mixed up and forgot Badakonasana – but timing was good! Did a full set of Kriyas this morning as well. And a little bit of Pranayama at the end. Although it feels pretty indulgent since the “outcomes” of it aren’t as clearly visible as say asana – where you can literally feel the burn! Buy maybe need to do it a bit more!?

As I sat down at my computer got the loveliest message on Instagram – someone sent me a direct message to say how inspired she was by what I was doing and that she loved all the illustrations and had read all about my yoga journey. It LITERALLY made my day! I feel SO privileged and lucky to inspire someone!

You know, I used to want to be “Yoga Girl” and have a bajillion thousand followers and live the life on a tropical island. But more lately, I’ve come to think that just being me is enough! and just living my own amazing life is enough, and that if I can inspire just ONE other person, then that is enough. In fact it’s more than enough – it’s AWESOME.

Who knows what is in the future. (Even from a very young age I have always dreamed of “being famous” – I was even voted “person most likely to be famous” in high school!) and maybe that will come. Or maybe it won’t. But if I can inspire and change the life of just ONE person – then that is enough.

Feeling SO happy and in LOVE with life!

Yoga Journal #64: Bikes and Buses

Had a break from yoga today even though was itching for some.

Had a good day – got most things done – met Warr at the bike shop and collected my new bike – yay! Then almost got killed in teh first 6 minutes driving back home when we went through an orange light. Literally SCREAMED (and swore) like a wild woman at Warren – was so nervous and dark and cars and fucking buses! Hopefully will get some confidence up this week!

Yoga Journal #63: Doors and Doodles.

Did the ashtanga primary series for yoga today – was really fun – good to try some more challenging postures. I know I need to work a bit on my core strength so it was good to do the 5 Navasana’s plus lifting – what a killer!

The day’s topics were mainly on the business side of yoga. It’s funny because I’ve always just thought that once I had my training, it will all sort of fall into place. But these lectures did make me realise that it’s going to take a bit of hard work and research to make it all happen. In terms of building up a network of yogis who want to practice with you – times that are good, confidence in teaching etc.

Maybe to a certain extent they will fall into place – but maybe there is also a certain degree of graft involved too. like:
Diary  Entry

The universe will fling the door open wide if you let it – but you’ve gotta climb up the stairs first (often blindly, with no hand rails).

Warr came for lunch today at the centre- loved having him there again. It means to much to me that he comes and gets involved. Introduced him to Holly which was fun.

Had Thai take away for dinner – we ordered some prawn dishes – I had the red prawn curry, then a Tom Yum soup and some Pad Thai. Watched the 100 foot journey – REALLY want to go to India!

Had quite a sore tummy – not sure if it is the onset of the monthlies or if it is the prawns after eating a week of veggie.

Not sure what is happening, with W and I – but am feeling very out of sync. He is so amazing and understanding about everything – am so lucky.

 

Yoga Journal #62: Beautiful Subtleties.

Had such an amazing thing today in asana. During Purvottanasana – I had my head tipped back and had my drishti to the third eye and I began to notice the imbalance in the strength of each of my eyes – how my focus was more dominant on one side than the other. It has completely amazed me how the essence of my practice has from from something so gross (ie: left foot in line with right foot, bend the knee, hands up) to the most subtle of things, like noticing the imbalance between the strength of eyes.

Thinking back, I thought about this yesterday when I went into the bind with Holly – and I suppose it comes from knowing the body (and all the joints) a bit more – but I had this complete awareness of how much more space I would have if I allowed the humerus to rotate in the glenoid socket before flexing the elbow to take the bind. Amazing that such a subtle action can make ALL the difference. Creates all the space, transforms the entire practice. Such a beautiful thing to notice and become aware of such subtle things within the body. I am SO grateful for this journey and I’m ALREADY SO thirsty for more!!

Had an awesome day on meditation. Left feeling SO happy and just vibrating on such an energy high. Such amazing people. Such an amazing journey, such an amazing vibe!

I have had a feeling lately that I just really know that I’m going to be successful at this. Not only in that I will be able to give others this feeling, this amazing door to this whole new way of life – but that I am going to really be a success in this. I am so ready.

The chant from today’s practice which really sat so beautiful for me.

I open myself to nature
I open myself to the good in other people
I open myself to the divine so that I can be truly richly blessed.

PS. Won £50 voucher on Amazing yesterday- for a blog post I did for a mother’s day competition. They didn’t actually have a second place prize but they created one for me because they thought I went above and beyond. Am going to use it to buy a new yoga mat.

Am not even that surprised about it – when you are open, when you exude love, joy and happiness, when you give, give give to others – shit just happens for you. #truthbomb

Yoga Journal #61: Pushing, with softness.

Woke up early – didn’t do home practice because of yoga in the evening.

Did quite a bit of anatomy learning and feeling calm about it all rather than I think lots of people are feeling quite stressed about it all. I guess I’m just SOOO interested in this stuff that it’s not about learning for a test – it about learning for life – to share, to help enrich the lives of others.

Had an awesome evening practice – we did a semi Mysore style practice and made me really want to do a Mysore practice!

Holly came over to me and did a shoulder adjustment on me – first she came over to me and asked why I wasn’t in a bind and if I could get into it. She connected my hands and then said, “EASY!” Then I started laughing because I know I was just being a bit lazy! Then we both had a quiet chuckle at my laziness and that moment felt quite special to me. I am going to be so sad to leave this training. She then did a shoulder adjustment on my shoulder – pushing me further into the bind – which was good for me. There definitely was a sense of discomfort, but it wasn’t painful and it made me realise just how much more I can push my body with ease and with mindfulness. With a softness that allows it to happen, rather than a forcing that makes it happen.

Had an interesting lecture on “dream life” – which I (and I think some other yogis) took to be on “dreaming” because I have been having a LOT of strange yoga dreams lately. (Hello, David Swenson’s Face tattooed on someone’s back in the middle of a Yoga Girl retreat. What?)

It was more on the dream life of being a yoga teacher – how much you earn, how many classes that would mean, how you would supplement your income if you wanted to earn more than that and how you can bring your skill set to the yoga – if you can find a way to do that.And I kept thinking that YES! that’s exactly what I want to do! It feels weird that all these things being said are fitting to perfectly into the vision I have for myself.

How my illustrations can connect with my yoga life – so amazing! So excited! (And definitely keen to try a Mysore Practice)

Yoga Journal #60: The Sweet Spot.

Woke up early again – decided to do yoga at a studio – to also kind of build up a bit of rapport with the studio owners.

Was a good class – getting into the hip flexors and lots of balances which is what I need! I think it’s quite good though to have a few un-edited sun salutations (lol) so that the body has a good chance to get heated up!

Came back from the yoga class and thought it’s quickly try some hand standing – it was absolutely amazing!! I got up into handstand and stood there for ages! I had such an amazing moment of “know that I know how to get here – I know I have it and I will be able to come back to this place again. It was so amazing! Was so chuffed and obviously caught none of it on screen! haha!

Also had productive day – slightly more social media though… maybe my hypnotherapy is wearing off?!

Had veggie soup for dinner. Store bought not the greatest. Went to the bike shop to look for bikes for me – Yay!

Yoga Journal #59: Bushy tails.

Woke up super early bright eyed and bushy tailed! Decided to make up my own yoga sequence and did an awesome “power” type class – with loads of double dips and core work and some good arm balances etc – was awesome and so cool that I was able to give myself the yoga session from home! Also did some meditation and did a kind of chakra meditation which was good! Used headspace and also sat a bit with my dreams/goals journal  – am keen to use it a bit more and properly plot what it is that I am after! Need to have some dedicated goal setting session with myself – feel like I need to sit down and properly think about what I want before everything starts snowballing!

Had a super productive day – smashed out SO much work – powered through my to do list – and didn’t check Facebook at all – long may this last!!

Made a chickpea chana masala stuffed sweet potato for dinner – husband said he liked it!

Husband bought me some fancy high heel shoes – thinks it’s a subtle sign from him to say, “Come back to the real world” haha #laughingfaceemoticon

Yoga Journal #58: Hypnotherapy and Hippie Shit.

Pushed snooze on the alarm today (again) – but got up/out of bed at 7 and decided to do a yoga session – did 45 mins in total – 3 sun salutes A and 3 sun salutes B – then standing sequence that I made up myself followed by a seated sequence – also one that I made up. Sequencing is actually a lot easier if you follow the three chain rule! And I think will be even easier the more familiar you get with the poses and the more you know them inherently in your own body.

Did a mini chakra meditation at the end felt really awesome after – the actual asana couldn’t have been longer than 35 minutes though – need to extend my timing a bit more!

Went off to a hypnotherapy session with Jess – was super interesting! At first (with all these things) I was super dubious – but I’m definitely becoming way less skeptical the more I see these things actually working! The power of the mind is incredible and I want to harness that shit!

We first did an exercise where she asked me to put up both hands then told met o close my eyes and imagine a string attached to my left wrist with a balloon filled with helium pulling my arm up – then on the right hand -a hard cold heavy rock pushing my hand down. She went through this and then after a while asked me to open my eyes to notice my left hand had lifted higher than my right hand. It was so weird – almost as though I knew my hands were doing that – but I couldn’t really stop them or my brain was wondering if I should stop them.

Just to demonstrate the power of the unconscious mind and imagination. She said the unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and the imagination – so to the unconscious mind what you imagine IS happening. Which is why visualisation is such a powerful tool and that whatever you tell yourself is made more powerful by imagining yourself in that position. Am definitely keen to add more of this to my meditation.

I then lay on the couch with a blanket and she told me to close my eyes and let my body relax and then imagine a light of my own colour choice (chose white) above my head that was making my skull relaxed, that was making my eyes relaxed, then my cheeks, jaw all the way down my body. She told me to imagine I’m walking down a beautiful corridor towards a door with the sign priority (I chose to work on being more productive with my days and wasting less time on social media etc)- when I open the door there are steps going down 1 – 10 with each step going deeper and deeper. At one point, I remember feeling like my feet and my head was rocking and that my whole body was spinning like how you feel when you are so drunk and lying in bed and the room does a flip – even though I had my eyes closed and was completely sober. It was very weird and I remember feeling almost a bit sick – then it started feeling like the bottom of my stomach was pulling down and it was leaving a huge black cave between my feet and my head. I remember feeling like I was standing very small on the surface and that I was actually deep somewhere else – difficult to explain. I was completely aware of what was going on though.

She asked me some questions which she directed at my sub-conscious – she had previously assigned fingers (I chose them) one for yes, one for no and and one for not sure – raising the corresponding fingers to answer the questions – rather than verbalising the answers. Some of the questions I didn’t even know what she was asking me but I just felt like I knew the answer – or at least one finger just felt like it was the right finger to lift. It was very weird. I remember thinking that I was not very “into the sub-conscious” and then at the end she started using a different/more normal voice and then I was like – oh. WOW. I was TOTALLY in a different place – felt like I was in some other world/ or on drugs or something! It was super strange but am interested to see if my sub conscious has had a good spell put on it! HAHA!

Was waiting at the bus stop on the way home and absent mindedly took my phone out (to scroll through instagram or something while I wait). Usually if I catch myself unnecessarily on social media I consciously say, “No Ché – you don’t need to be on this” and then put it away. But this was something different. I could see my finger hovering over FB and then the next thing my phone was back in my pocket. It was like something else other than my mind had told me to put my phone away without me even realising it.

Then I thought, “WOW. It’s already working!”
To which I then laughed and said to myself, “No man Ché! This is just all in your mind!!”

to which I then thought….

hahahahaha… EXACTLY.

Yoga Journal #57: Giant candles

Rest day from Yoga – body probably needed it – woke up late too – probably just tired!

Had a few different projects to work on, started writing/finishing my observations – want to get those finished now! Wasted quite a bit of time being useless on social media. Probably due to lack of yoga this morning!

Had left over fish dish for dinner – otherwise a veggie day. (Didn’t ask Warr what he had for lunch… I wonder?!?!)

Warr ordered two massive candles for us – they are super awesome and look like giant birthday cakes!

Yoga Journal #56: Veggie-ism and Vials of blood.

Today’s yoga was a restorative yoga session to balance out yesterday’s power yoga – much needed! Absolutely loved it – way more than I thought I would – did the whole thing with basically my eyes closed! Savasana was SO good and SO deep at the end! Maybe I’m just really into Savasana these days?!

Holly spoke about an egg analogy and how on the outside it appears that nothing is changing but on the inside everything is changing and things are happening even if we can’t see it. Maybe that’s how I need to think of things with Warren. Perhaps for me – because it feels like the changes I’m going through are SO big and visible and HUGE that I’m feeling it needs to be the same for him – but maybe it doesn’t and maybe I need to focus a bit more on Aparigraha and that non-attachment to the “big outcome”.

Lecture today on the chakras and did a meditation on the chakras – felt so happy at the ned of it – want to maybe bring that into a yoga course.

Spoke about developing a yoga course – which I found really interesting. Definitely keen to try something like that!

Warr made dinner for us – I suggested “seafood” in my effort to un-attach from my aversion to meat – he made a smoked mackerel cous cous dish – cutting the mackerel up really tiny – with loads of other things and then served with a pile of spicy vegetables. The mackerel was very well disguised – which I noticed he had done for me. The dish was really delicious – but we had a discussion about where the flavour was actually coming from. Ie: is it the meat or is it the everything else that gives it the flavour? Warr said it’s the smoking that gives it the flavour – which to me is still a “flavour” and not the ‘meat itself’. We then got onto a very random topic – I asked,  “Would you drink a vial of blood?” No. “But you would still eat a steak with all the blood in it” Yes – because that’s part of the package.

Decided to just leave things there and not argue my point any further – because in any case, I’m not a vegetarian, (and who is to say being a vegetarian is “right” any way) – these are just my feelings and my aversion to meat for the time being.

Have asked W if he would be interested in doing a veggie week with me – obviously, he could have what he wants for lunch- but I want to make veggie dinners only and see if he notices a change in his body/digestive system. (I have noticed a big change in mine – with just very minor changes and reducing the meat intake.)

Have told him that tomorrow we can have the left overs for dinner and will start after that -because I don’t believe in waste!

Will see how it goes.

Yoga Journal #55: Enlighten Up.

Had a POWER yoga class this morning – it was awesome – loads of vinyasa’s with double dips and planks, planks and more planks and more double dips! The savasasana at the end was epic – felt like I was just sinking into the ground after all that work!

Power yoga is for the yoga for the “A-type” personality – and there is definitely a part of me – that LOVES it!

We starting looking at themes within yoga classes and sequencing – so interesting and first looking at sequencing and it seems like it’s COMPLETELY overwhelming because there are SO many different options, variations and combinations to it all a bit eeeeee!!!!!

We also looking at themes in teaching which I really found useful – I really like it when teachers have specific themes – it helps the class feel like there is some kind of focus or centred-ness to everything.

On Friday we watched the documentary “Enlighten Up” about a journalist who asks the question – can yoga “transform” anyone? So she picked a random guy (also a journalist) and got him to follow a yoga practice daily for 6 months.

He went to a few different classes and teachers until he found a style that he liked – ashtanga. He started doing a bit of yoga in the USA and then decided they were to go to India to meet the founders of Yoga Sri Pattabi Jois.

In India he did yoga every day – he questioned so many of the indian gurus who are freaken awesome. He said that he was starting to feel quite a few changes in his body/energy etc but nothing really more. After a while he is interviewed and started to get emotional. When asked what “yoga” is – he says he can’t really explain and that it’s like a tool to be able to analyse and give him perspective to the black box that is his mind.

He starts getting emotional and he says that yoga makes him feel more connected with himself and other people. He says he wants to go home. He says he misses his family (even thought he had just said a few weeks earlier that he was thinking of staying on longer after the completion of the documentary)

At the end of the 6 months he goes back to the USA and said he didn’t feel like there was this huge transformation or that he reached “enlightenment” or got closer to “god” or whatever it is that he was supposed to feel.

When he returned to the USA the documentary said that he had taken up a journalist job writing for a rock climbing magazine and doing lots of rock climbing. He was not continued with Yoga.

We had some discussion about this movie afterwards and I have to say I was quite disappointed with the ending. I guess I expected him to have this massive transformation – to see the complete amazingness of yoga and to get back home and continue on. Many of the others said that perhaps his path is different. Perhaps this is not his time to come to yoga. Perhaps his path of clearing his mind is not through yoga at all.

It was good for me to see this movie I think – because of how desperate I feel to bring everyone I love to yoga because I know the amazing effects it has had in my own life. But maybe it is not for them – maybe this documentary is just the seed taht has been planted and maybe the  change is more subtle and more subconscious. I’m not sure.

Yoga Journal #54: Compromise

Had a bit of a strange morning, felt strange about getting so emotional on the train – texted Warr to explain that I just want him to be part of everything and I’m just scared of moving away from him. He said he totally understands and he wants to do more yoga and that we should drink less wine and just be more “yogic”

But it feels unfair that all the compromise should come from him – which I told him – so I’m going to try and not let everything affect me so deeply – although it’s pretty hard when it feels like you are so far in.

Had a great asana class – felt really focused was so lovely to see everyone after being off last weekend – I can’t believe we are finishing training so soon! SOB!

Yoga Journal #53: Sane New World

Woke up and tried to structure a shoulder sequence for myself.

Went to watch Ruby Wax show, “Sane New World” on mindfulness – after one of the yoga girls gave me her book to read! Really good show – had drinks for dinner before – had a bit of internal conflict about what to order since Warr and I usually always share food at restaurants and the veggie options that were available – might not have necessarily been the things he would have ordered.

Settled on the veggie pizza – was delicious! Ruby Wax was super interesting – all about the mindfulness and meditation that I’ve already started discovering. She “poo-poos” yoga – quite a bit in the book – which is interesting to me since it is so similar to what she is talking about. But perhaps this is her way of making mindfulness and mediation accessible to the “non-hippie” variety?!

Some one in the two rows in front of us – asked Ruby about why she has an aversion to yoga – she kind of side-stepped the question a bit! Anyway – after the show – I decided to introduce myself to the woman who had asked the yoga questions – ended up having a fat chat about yoga – told her I was busy with my yoga training and gave her my business card.

Ruby Wax came out and we caught her and got a picture with her.

Ended up getting pretty emotional on the train home with Warr (could possibly have been the wine we had with dinner). Just feels like yoga is a whole new world and it’s quite scary to me to feel like that worlds that I;m entering doesn’t have Warren – or at least Warren isn’t really in that world. I can’t really explain it. But it’s more than having a hobby that your partner doesn’t do. It’s a whole way of being – it’s starts to change who you are and what is important to you and it feels weird to be going through these things without him.

Yoga Journal #52: Chicken piece for peace.

Did yoga observation in the morn – then met friends for dinner.

Shared starters with the whole table and didn’t eat any meat. Everyone wanted to order a mix of mains to share and didn’t want to make a fuss – so just decided to eat around the meat in the dishes that everyone wanted – then was questioned on it and didn’t feel like having to explain the whole thing.
“No, I’m not vegetarian. No, I just don’t feel like it.”
“Why?!”
“I don’t know – I just don’t”
“But like, why not?!”
“I just don’t really feel like it – the taste of it.. I don’t know…”
“but…?!?!”

So I ate the fucking piece of chicken to make everyone happy.

Had a good evening though spoke lots about yoga – didn’t really think the stuff I was talking about was soooo yoga-like, but clearly it is! I think I have lost track of what is normal!?!

Yoga Journal #51: Energy

Did a pitiful 3 Sun Salutations this morning – body is feeling so sluggish. Could it be the meat and the drinking? Feel meh.
Will hopefully do some proper yoga tonight.

Did good evening session – have much more energy in the evenings for sure! Focused on bandhas and handstands.

Yoga Journal #50: Connecting with strangers

Didn’t do yoga – woke up a bit later after not sleeping well at all :(

Did meditation from bed in the morning – which is never really the same thing as doing meditation out of bed!

Went to a bloggers dinner – thai cooking school – was lots of fun. Met such a cool person on the way home. I met her as I was leaving and we walked to the station together. I did have a small moment of “oh boy – now that I’ve met someone and we are going in the same direction I have to make small talk all the way home” – but it was the BEST conversation =

We talked about yoga and chakra and eating and about our feelings towards meat. Had meat at the Thai dinner – and also had some during the weekend – just cause it was served to me, or I don’t know. Wasn’t really an active choice to have it, but I didn’t necessarily actively say no to it.

It was also her first time eating meat in months – she is not a vegetarian – but also just started going a bit off it – like me. It’s strange how not eating meat for a while makes the texture of it seem really weird when you have it again. I completely agree and I have not even been “off” meat for as long as she has!

Was really glad I met her and got chatting – spoke about more and more people having this kind of awakening. Really interesting and weird how the two of us ended up on the train together.

Yoga Journal #49: Strength and Ashtanga

Woke up and went to Ashtanga yoga class in Wimbledon – was really cool and felt so good knowing exactly the names of the postures and how to get into them correctly. Did some drop backs which was awesome and also the teacher tried to help me come back up from Urdhva Dhanurasana – am keen to practice this on my own – although probably on the grass! haha!

Organised another observation  – yay self!

Feel my body getting stronger – Yay! Had lunch at J and then came home and did some house stuff.

Yoga Journal #47: Two worlds.

Tried to replicate the yoga class I saw last night – at home this morning – took me 45 mins when it took them an hour! haha clearly I left a few things out – or perhaps just a speedy yogi! Must slow down.

Slow down to speed up.

Felt good thought to move. Was feeling anxious the whole day about Warr’s party tonight – in that I haven’t been “drinking: for so long and just worried about getting passed my limit (way too quickly) and doing stupid shit. Feels like it’s kind of two separate worlds and I don’t know how to live in both of them. But I also don’t want to become “that” irritating yoga-bore who sits in the corner drinking “Kombucha juice” and eating organic leaves while everyone else has fun! Feels hard to be like this especially when the people closest to me are not in the same place or can’t really understand this ‘balancing in the midline thing’ that I feel I’m doing right now. Anyway – had good fun on Friday – ended up coming home by myself on Friday and left husband out to party  – which is maybe testament to how this whole thing is putting me in two worlds. I don’t know.

Yoga Journal #46: Namaste

So far behind on this journal – not sure I like what happens when life gets in the way of yoga! Feels like a weird sentence but it’s true and yoga IS a way of life! Anyway.

I’m writing this journal entry on 3 March and I honestly can’t remember if I did yoga on Thursday 26th February – all the days seem to blend into one! I must have done a bit of morning yoga.

Observed a yoga class this evening – such an awesome teacher – am realising more and more that all yogis are just AWESOME.

Felt like she was genuinely interested in me and tried to help me find more observations – her class was FULL and I think definitely it makes a huge difference – and her personality I have no doubt brought people back to practice with her!

Good thing to note that people go to yoga for more than going to yoga. They go to feel good, yes, to get a bit of exercise, yes, but also to connect with other people, to feel like they are valued, to feel like their own spirit is honoured.

Obviously.

Namaste.

Yoga Journal #45: Treasure Hunt

Warr’s Birthday!

Amaazing morning yoga practice at home. Timing is perfect – feels so much quicker now!

Had an awesome treasure hunt planned and ended at the Thai place! Bought husband a yoga mat for one of his birthday presents – not 100% about his reaction! (although he did request it!) haha!

Saw J and Bruce at the restaurant – told J it would be cool to practice teaching yoga on someone slightly more flexible – don’t think that Warr took it the right way! What I meant to say was – it’s good to practice different adjustments on different bodies!

Had a good birthday celebration!

Yoga Journal #44: Dedications

Warr off to the doctors so he had a bit of a lie in – made him some coffee in bed – which he never gets – even although he had been awake for about an hour before me – doing stuff – he had to get back into bed for the coffee! Ha!

Did a full exam sequence today – timing was absolutely perfect – Yay!

Decided to dedicate the practice this morning to Warr’s dad, Becky’s mom and Kirsty. Having those people to focus on really helped changed the nature of the practice – suddenly when you bring those people to mind – you can stay more connected because suddenly that practice is not about you – and your body – it’s about something else, someone else – and the body that is sending that intention out to the world is just a body and the fire in your legs, the stretching in the back, the pulling in your arms, are just sensations and they will pass – as will everything else in this world.

Also did a relationship meditation and am feeling back on track with life.

Not sure what happened last week – but just felt pretty “off” with everything and everyone. Perhaps to do with PMS?! How to counteract this in future?!

Need to learn more yoga today.

Yoga Journal #43: Quickie.

No yoga today – niggly hamstring. Made tumeric and carrot soup for dinner  -then put candles and The Beatles record on. And proper setting of the table. Like really fancy humans.

That’s it.

Yoga Journal #42: Krishna and Curries

Was really good to have a practice that was led by the other yogis – really good and confidence building for them! Kind of wish I had gotten to teach as much as they did  – about 1/4 of the class each! Absolutely LOVED the teaching that I did.

I did end up telling Warren about my Hare Krishna episode – he was “rather” hammered after an afternoon with the boys watching rugby – I’m not 100% sure how much he remembers about our conversation  – probably better that way! Ha! Win for everyone!

Even in his drunken state he did think to order mea  veggie curry – it was so yum! We usually order curry but I’ve never had a veggie one before – strange that it feels like instead of “limiting” the options – going for a more veg diet feels like it actually opens up a whole lot more options – and I’m starting to look at things on the menu that I’ve never really looked at before!

* Made some B-day things for Fran on Saturday – Warr made some delish veggies on a portobello mushroom “bun” – with parsnip chips – was SO yummy!! (and healthy!)

Yoga Journal #41: Fucking beautiful

Was my turn to do the “teaching” to the whole class and adjustments – absolutely LOVED it! Was much more nervous thatn I thought I would be! Started off really well – I thought I fumbled a bit on the feeting then became a bit more nervous adn shaky – although after speaking to people after – they said they really loved it. One of the girls even came up to me especially to say how much she loved my voice and the adjustments that I gave to her.

Was actually a bit sad that I only got to teach on Sun Salutation and – I was so ready and rearing to reach more! Was strange to me that some of the others girls who were adjusting/teaching were SO nervous that they didn’t even enjoy it. I was nervous – but MAN! i LOVED it. Feels like this is TOTALLY what I was meant to be doing with my life!!

Was interested to get feedback on the adjustments because I know that I tend to be more firm in my adjustments rather than soft. Everyone came back and said they loved them. One of the girls was SO super smily and happy when she came over and told me how much she loved my adjustments – which made me feel SO happy!!!!

Had Bhagavad Gita lecture today – was really interesting and ended up singing Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna – Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare.

Ended up crying through it just from being so overwhelmed with joy/life/happiness/connectedness/community/gratitude. So many of the other girls were in tears too and it feels so weird and strange to try and explain that to anyone else without them thinking that you are some crazy dressed in orange robes smashing a tambourine dancing around Oxford street with bells on your feet. I’m not there. (yet).

But its weird and hard to explain  – it’s not in praise of “Krishna” as whatever you would think of that – it’s a connection to yourself, to your own infinite power, your own brilliant being and your connection to everything.

Gabriella told us that crying is sometimes a necessary release, a cleansing, an emotional blockage that needs to leave and that a person with any degree of being awakened can readily feel and connect with that essence through chanting and mantra.

Whatever it was – it was fucking beautiful.Came home and literally sat on my floor (technically I got on my knees – but writing that makes me sound creepy) and just said thank you for this amazing journey I am on – the most incredible people that have some into my life, and the absolute awesomeness that I am connecting to within myself and within the world around me – which really is all one in the same.

Halfway through my crying – Kelly passed me a tissue – to blow my nose and wipe my tears – and then about 2 seconds later had to ask for half of it back for her own tears! hahaha Awesome. (And kind of gross). I just LOVE all of these beautiful yogis!!

Warr is out – coming home with some dins – feel weird about telling him about me crying in Hare Krishna without him thinking that I’m an ABSOLUTE looney.

Will see how THAT goes. lol.

Yoga Journal #40: Mysore Style

Followed a kind of Mysore practice this evening – where you practice on your own with no guidance from a teacher. Really loved it – really made me focus inwards because knowing that if I look to someone else in a different posture – I will lose myplace in the sequence. So it really made me focus! Maybe should try a Mysore class – although probably after YTT! ha!

One of the yogis came to spend the night at ours.

Yoga Journal #39: Hummus and Halloumi

Did the full exam sequence this morning – put on full workout clothes – which helped! After 15 minutes of meditation – which was amazing. The sequence took me 43 mins though – and should have taken 1 hour – so maybe need to slow down a bit. Need to get this watch fixed so that I can time each section.

Went out for dinner – surprise birthday for Shan. Ordered a Halloumi and Hummus burger and felt like my choice was more of a big deal to Warren than it was to me. We usually almost always share food at restaurants and he commented on him just realising how different our meals are going to be now.

I’m by no means claiming to be vegetarian – but lately it’s just that my body hasn’t been feeling like meat – and me choosing a halloumi burger did not bring up questions in any one else’s mind – “Are you a vegetarian?! etc” but only really was noticed by Warren – and I think only because I have been discussing with him how I have been feeling about meat lately – because I want him to be part of what I am going through/feeling/experiencing – but now I feel that whatever decision I make is amplified because there has been awareness drawn to it.

It probably would have been a whole lot easier if I had not said anything and just quietly made those choices on my own – without discussing it with anyone.

I’m feeling a little bit in no-mans land at the moment – disconnected from Warren, but also not fully connected to the entirety of yoga – because if I’m actually honest, it can be quite scary at how powerful it is and how different a person can become when they fully enter into all of this.

Feeling exhausted – first day that I’ve felt run down and that everything is catching up to me!

Yoga Journal #38: Auras and Strangers

Meditation in the morning. Always makes the day better. Chia seed porridge for breakfast – am not sure about it!

More work on the website – need to be more unattached to perfection!

Watched a yoga class – really gave me confidence that I can definitely teach yoga and be a really authentic and amazing yoga teacher.

A guy came begging for money on the train (had a pic of a child in hospital). I’m always a bit dubious about these people after the scam in central London that I saw with my own eyes – with a “deaf person” – I have studied a bit of sign language and he was TOTALLY making up his own version.

I ended up giving some money to the guy who was begging on the train (after humming and haaing about it). I actually only gave him money as I was getting off the train – and then had to walk down 3 carriages to try and find him again.

On the bus back in Wimbledon coming home (around 10pm) – I was stopped by a really cool Brazilian guy with dreadlocks on top of his head. He stopped me to say he had seen me around and then wanted to tell me “I don’t know what it is about you – but you’ve got a good aura.”

Such a random thing for a complete stranger to tell me and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

Finished the Ruby Wax book on mindfulness – really enjoyed it – especially the end – love the scientific evidence of meditation working.

Loved the “wolves on the inside of us” fable – it’s the second time I have read/heard about it. Going to definitely employ the “novelty builds neurons” idea!

Booked to see the Ruby Wax show in a March!

Grateful for:

  • Health
  • Encounters with strangers
  • Warm soup in my tummy
  • Husband (already zzzz……)

Small pain in lower back. PMS week. No yoga. Maybe tomorrow.
Love + Light. (yeah I did).
PS. Am wondering if me knowing that I’m going to transcribe this publicly is in any way affecting my writing of it?  Will be mindful of that.

Yoga Journal #37: Where’s the science in it?

Read a scary article this moron on the dangers of headstand in a yoga practice – pretty much freaked me out. We are going so far down this rabbit hole and sometimes it feels like we are doing all this crazy stuff without much scientific evidence to support it and the only accreditation these practices have are the way they make us feel afterwards. Doesn’t plain old exercise give you these same feelings? What IS this whole world anyway?!

Ran down to the printers – wasn’t my finest – not feeling the greatest – PMS/sore back etc. Did a very slow yoga flow this eve – prompted mainly by the fact that I wanted to do a pose for one of the yoga instagram challenges – ended up staying on my mat for much longer than the one pose – so I guess there is merit to the insta-yogi craze!

Did a foot scrub for husband this evening. Worked on a birthday yogi card, finished first mock for Yoga London – so excited to be working with them!

Yoga Journal #36: Foodstuff

Did meditation this morning – was good! Had the trifecta for breakfast! (lemon and hot water, fresh veggie juice and protein smoothie!) Am keen to try make soaked oats one day too!

Did the full exam sequence at home – I left off Ardha Utkatasana, Padangushtasana and Padahastasana – but the entire sequence took me 36 mins! Eek! Need to slow down a bit! Or maybe it will come naturally slower when I am trying to teach someone else.

Started feeling a pulling in my left lower back muscles (I should technically now know the name of those muscles! #learnmorecheche)

May need tomorrow to be a rest day I think! Had a yummy stuffed potato with mushroom, corn and beans. Veggie day.

Yoga Journal #35: Common ground

Did such a fun practice today – playing around with more complex postures and arm balances – it’s really fun to play with new things – rather than keen on the same postures every day. But I suppose that is where the practice of discipline comes into play.

Chatted to some of the girls about the feeling of letting go of old relationship (in fact, I wasn’t even the one to bring it up) lots of them feel the same – so good to know that I’m not the only one!

Taught to Sarah in the evening – felt up and down about my teaching – not sure why.

Yoga Journal #34: Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day practice – lots of partner yoga – and so much fun! Really good way to explore different bodies and learning to become mindful of how different every individual is. Had an amazing diner with Warr – he came to visit at the temple and it was so awesome to show him around and have lunch together. Sad he didn’t get to meet Holly – but hopefully he will come again soon!?

He made the most AMAZING parsnip and butternut squash soup -honestly best soup I’ve ever eaten – which feels weird to be praising a soup! So impressed that he even made it veggie – given my recent meat aversion!

He had lit candles all over the house and brought flowers to the centre and tulips at home! I am really so lucky to have him.

Had a few teary/sobbing moments on the couch after dinner (and cupcakes) could be to do with the half a bottle of red wine but I think mainly to do with how scary it is to think about how easy is is to disappear into two separate worlds. Yoga is such a powerful thing and the further into it you go – the further you see how incredible it is – the faster that insignificant relationships start to leave you. Conversations that old friends have start to seem a bit pointless and the lifestyles of other people don’t interest you like they used to. It’s SO scary to think that this could happen within a relationship – and there where does that leave you?

Told this to Warren and my feelings about it – he told me I worry too much. But I also can’t help that I’ve been feeling so strongly about this lately.

Yoga Journal #33: Eating and Arms

Meditation in the morn and then straight to emails and getting stuff to bake V Day cupcakes which basically took all day!

Ate a green smoothie for breakfast – avo, spinach and banana. Then had assorted nuts, tofu, beetroot, hummus, beans – yum! Then a cupcake and half the icing. Haha. Met Warr for coffee and a bank date.

Had an Itsu pot for dinner – after some evening asana practice – and then beans when I got home – after stopping at The Swan to see Warr who was meeting with friends out from Reading.

Love the want to eat healthy (said after eating several cupcakes) bit bummed about making cupcakes over any other cake – lots of people are gluten intolerant/vegan – oh well – it’s the thought that counts, right?

Asana in the evening felt amazing – am not sure if it’s because we know the sequencing of the postures now or because my body is getting stronger?

Noticed much more definition in my arm this evening – even Warr commented. Prob from all the Caturanga – although it’s more likely from all this journal writing!

Definitely want to book a one on one with Holly – so that she can cater a class specifically to my needs. Need to work on my lower abdomen – Uddiyana Bandha!
Think need to spend more time this week going over some stuff and consolidating – need to keep up – feels like it’s all of sudden going quite quickly! 6 weekends left cannot believe it! and DO NOT want it to end *ahem* did somebody say 500 hour training?!

Yoga Journal #32: World’s Colliding.

Did some meditation in bed. Don’t worry, I was sitting up so it wasn’t “meditation” it was actual meditation.

Had the most AMAZING chat with Rachel from Yoga London wanting me to help out with a yoga character for the Yoga London Website. I feel SO excited and inspired for this because it’s like my two world’s are colliding!

When we were chatting I said, “You know, I TOTALLY manifested us working together!” and she was like, “Yeah! You totally did!” She then said that when she saw a blog post of mine wanting to merge my two worlds of yoga and illustration she thought, “CHE! YES!! ME! I’m your answer!”

I mean.

Thanks Universe!!

(Or more directly – thanks to the creative team at Yoga London for seeing my blog post, reading it and getting in touch! haha!)

So incredibly excited and feel like my yoga world is just ready to EXPLODE and it’s happening whether I’m ready for it or not – it’s just ALL happening and I’m SO freaken excited!

Currently reading Ruby Wax – Sane New World – loving it!

Yoga Journal #31: Coconut Oil

Forgot to write this journal yesterday – so can’t actually remember if I did yoga yesterday – my mind is like MUSH.

Definitely did a headspace meditation though – they always help focus my day!

Had such a CRAZY busy day with new stock of Valentine’s Day cards arrived – so frantic panic trying to get those shipped off in time! Made it for the 12:3pm cut off! Thank goodness. But WHAT chaos! Net year will be WAY more organised! (And order one hundred thousand bajillion lobster cards in advance).

Husband came home and I had already told him we were having an “exotic” dinner – and by “exotic” I mean “no meat” just “tofu and halloumi”. He took to it well, I’d say (for a South African Meat Man). When he walked in the kitchen I told him I’m “trying something new” to which he gave me an awkward stare and a nervous chuckle. haha!

But after the convo with the blogging girls and some yogis – they’ve convinced me to try coconut oil as a face/body wash. Bought some yesterday. Tried it in the shower and (first reaction: Holy Canoli, I smell like a Tennis Biscuit) But after that initial wanting to eat my own face off, have come to realise that coconut oil is the BOMB-DIGGITY. Legs feel SO soft and non-wintery!

Warr came home and wanted to do push ups before dinner – I did some evening yoga – playing around with a few arm balance – but bummed that I didnt go for a run today – felt so awesome the other day!

Organised a skype session with Rachel from Yoga London for tomorrow. Busy working on a logo for Curvesome Yoga.

Yoga Journal #30: Chakra, Communication, Coincidence.

Woke up and did an AWESOME yoga session including Kriyas, contemplation, meditation and asana.

Usually in the mornings I’ve always tried to do asana first and end up half arse-ing it cause my body is SO not a morning body. Then Holly mentioned something over the weekend being about in tune with the vibration of the town around you. ie: if you wake up early (as yogis are meant to do, since yoga is traditionally done with the rising sun) the town around you is still in that subtle energy – so it makes sense to do those practices while the energy around you is the same and you move into the grosser practices of asana.

Definitely preferred it this way around – body is more ready, alert and awake!

Had a POWER day (as it always is, when it starts with yoga) got so much done before 10 am without even realising it! Had to deal with ridiculous customer service and felt calm.

Reflecting on the fact that the next year I will order LOADS of Valentine’s Day cards ahead of time.

Made some good firm decisions in terms of business today that I needed in terms of setting my price at my worth and saying “no” to things I needed to say no to. Not coincidental that my chakra necklace that I have been wearing (relating to effective communication and speaking your truth) broke off today. Feels like I have levelled up! haha!

Warr came home and told me he was ready for yoga! Did some sun salutations with him then the finishing sequence – adjusted him in shoulder stand – which he said was good! He is having wrist pain in downward dog – suggested coming into dolphin pose or onto the fists – although wrist modifications are really that great. Pulled his weight back into his heels, using an adjustment – keeping the weight off his wrists – which he said he liked.

Feels good to be able to adjust a body that I know so well. He noted that I seemed much more confident in my teaching – (last time I taught him was two weeks ago).

Went for a run tonight – probs won’t be able to walk tomorrow. Awesome.

Yoga Journal #29: Imposing yoga?

Had a dentist appointment today – so skipped yoga this morning. BEST dentist appointment ever: no pain, no payment!

Wasn’t sure if I was up for yoga today – or if I was going to take today as my break. When Warr got home I said, “Wanna do some yoga?” And he replied with “I need to do some stuff first – cause I don’t want a late night” – which I kind of read as “I have a load of stuff to do tonight – not really feeling in the mood for yoga. So told him it was fine we could do yoga another time/tomorrow.

I then decided I actually wanted to do some yoga while he was busy – so got on my mat to do a few yoga sun salutations.

After this he said, “You didn’t even give me the chance to come and join you” and I felt kind of bad – but I also am not really wanting to “impose” yoga on him and I don’t know how much is “too” much. Things were a bit weird after that incident.

Yoga is awesome. It totally makes you feel more connected, more alive, more happy, more everything. But then I also find that when you lose that connection to everything it just feels SO much worse that it would have without yoga. I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess yoga gives you such an incredible high that when little things rattle you can feel super low – but I think that “low” is just probably the level your life would be generally, without yoga. Well. It makes sense in my mind. HA!

Yoga Journal #28: Emotions and Gratitude

Woke up with a slight hangover #fail and felt a bit sicky in the first forward fold – especially when I closed my eyes and felt the room spin – ha!

Class was structured a lot on Hamstrings which I liked – feels good to work deeper into one muscle group and see progress even with one class! Had a great Paschimottanasana adjustment from Lauren to go much deeper.

SUCH an emotional class – sitting in Padmasana at the end with BIG tears rolling down my cheeks onto my mat. Holly spoke a lot about dedication and devoting the practice to someone.

“Breathe for yourself, breathe for the person next to you, breathe for your dedication. Dedicate this practice to yourself. Dedicate this practice to the person next to you. Dedicate it to the people in this temple. Dedicate it to the people of this town. Dedicate to the people of London. Dedicate it to your nation.”

It made me SO emotional! Went to the bathroom after the class and realised that Kelly also had the same emotional experience and then two other girls came into the bathroom talking about how they couldn’t stop crying in the class. So amazing and incredible that we are all shared this experience from one yoga class. Yoga is SO freaken powerful.

In the moments when we were sitting with contemplation of gratitude – Fran came to tell me that she had thanked me for the money I donated to her marathon charity fund. That was really special of her.

Feeling so happy, feeling so loved, feeling so incredibly grateful for this experience and every single person who is part of it.

Taught a short 30 min asana at the end of the day today and I REALLY loved it – I loved finding the words and the placement and giving that experience to someone else. Bit more tricky with someone who already knows the postures as they are moving into the postures before you have instructed it (which makes it a bit difficult to learn which things are the absolute necessary things you would need to instruct someone completely new) but still – absolutely LOVED it and know I am going to just LOVE teaching yoga.

(Surprising to me to hear that some people have felt so anxious about teaching on the course – hopefully that changes for them over time. xxx

Yoga Journal #27: Yoga Nidra and my best self.

Deeptis class – felt much more focused than yesterday – really good to have a variety of teachers!

LOVED the yoga nidra at the end of the class- felt like I was in like some kind of trance – Every so often something would happen (noise outside etc) and I would feel like I was “coming out” of the kind of deep consciousness and then I would try to get back into “sleep” but when I forced it – it didn’t really work.

At the end she said she had used things like “hot and cold” and an ant walking in the forest and I have ABSOLUTELY no memory of that – so I’m not sure if maybe I was asleep or not!?

So amazing/weird/awesome. Also quite cool how some posture can feel so different depending on who is teaching it, their pace, their style, their wording and also the sequencing. Liked going from Eagle pose into Warrior III.

Had a really goo day – so enjoyed being back in the swing of things – am definitely my best self when I’m doing yoga.

Yoga Journal #26: Self realisations.

Warr made coffee for us in bed so didn’t do meditation – day went ok  but bit distracted – but maybe also #FRIDAY.

Was quite distracted in asana at training this evening – looking around and not really going inward. Not sure why – class had no music today – maybe that was a contributor?

Anatomy session – understand so much more about my body and pre-gymnastic days (when I was 10!!). Flexibility and strength and weak cross syndrome – definitely know what I need to work on now!

Interesting train ride back with Hayley – talking about meditation. Love that everyone on the course is into similar things – it’s so amazing.

Looking forward to philosophy! My handwriting is so shit – am super tired! I came home after a full day, full yoga practice, full day learning. then packaged up 25 orders. CANDLE. BOTH ENDS. ME.

Night. x

Yoga Journal #25: Grateful

Did a 15 minutes meditation this morning – had a power morning of GETTING SHIT DONE. Definitely related.

Did a long evening session this eve – took me 19:50 mins to do the sequence that is supposed to be 25 mins – but think it will be slightly longer when there is another person doing it and actually having to explain it out loud.

Also did a bit of playing around on the mat – was fun.

Ate well today – (actually had a totally veggie day) am keen to get chedyer.com up and running – want to share all this new stuff with people!

Looking forward to practice tomorrow and more yoga. Need to do my anatomy reading tomorrow!

Grateful for:

  • Husband who misses me in the day – even though we Whatsapp all the the time
  • happy healthy family
  • business going well.

Yoga Journal #24: Softness, openness, forgiveness.

Did a bit of reading in bed – slept badly last night – woke up and went to do a bit of home yoga – enjoyed it but morning practice is much more relaxed for me at home in the mornings – although I am still able to have a really strong yoga session when we are at training – but training starts much later than 6am though!

Felt productive today – ordered another year subscription to headspace – prompted by the feeling grumpy last night. Did 15 mins headspace this morning.

Got message from Warr to apologise and also flowers when I got home – am very lucky to be me. And even more lucky to have him.

Went to a studio for evening yoga practice – loved it!

Things I liked about the class:

  • Slow, calm steady instructions and didn’t just use pose names.
  • Loved the Savasana at the end – gave us a story about walking her brothers dog in Australia – dog with a stick in his mouth – running on the beach, swimming, being happy and how she learnt so much from the dog – living, breathing yoga. Living in the present moment – being connected to this moment and just being joyful in this space/in the now

“in our modern lives we lived so closed, closed in our bodies and in our minds Closed in our hearts. Lying in Savasana you can feel the space that you have created in your body, that lightness, that expansion. Yoga gives us that opportunity to open, to expand, to create space in our bodies that we can fill with love. When those places inside us are so filled with love – there is not room for hatred,  jealousy,  ego. Only love”

Had lentil soup for dinner – husband said he really liked it.

Yoga Journal #23: Self righteousness

Woke up and did a chilled morning yoga session – nothing crazy/hectic but a bit of stretching which helped get me focused for the day. I can definitely feel a massive difference in the days where I wake up earlier and do yoga and those that I don’t – much more productive and manage things much better!

Had a busy day and felt like my body was actually craving yoga again tonight – got on my mat and did some sun salutes and the standing sequence. Warr hasn’t been home to teach in the evenings – this week either I was shooting stuff – or he was out selling hides – need to practice on him – it really helps!

Had left over chicken wraps for dinner – there was a piece of chicken left over and I didn’t feel like it – so offered it to Warr – think he might have seen it as a “defiant act of impending vegetarianism” – which I don’t think he liked too much! (Ha!) and then the next thing out came the idea that “all vegans are so self righteous – can’t they just get on with their belief without shoving their views down everyone else’s throats?” – a bit like Hare Krishna/Jehovahs witnesses. I can understand why he says that – but can also understand that if people have found something that truly has changed their life – they want to share it. A bit like me wanting to share yoga with everyone? Anywhoo – both of us ended up in grumpy moods after that.

Yoga Journal #22: Slow Day

Slow start to the day – such a busy day with so many orders!

Did a very slow/gentle yoga breathing this morn after Warr left for work. Felt quite lethargic – am keen to get back on the health train after this weekend of lots of wine and pizza (and wine).

Maxeen came over to chat wedding stuff and to shoot a Valentine’s Day printable I had created – had wine. Fail. haha but was good to catch up.

Wraps for dinner chicken and veggies – goal planning for tomorrow – another busy day!

Yoga Journal #21: Wine

No yoga, had brunch with the blogging girls.

Warr made us a delicious pasta dinner – which was incidentally vegetarian. haha.

Bottle of wine. ok. Two bottles of wine.

Yoga Journal #20: Living in Retakes.

Went to the driving range with Warr to pick up his golf clubs.

Was watching him hit some shots from the driving range – kept trying to get “the right shot” of him swinging – then realised that instead of watching my husband play golf, I was living in retakes.

So had a moment where I decided to put down my phone and just LIVE in the moment.

Ended up having a really amazing late afternoon cheese and wine out at Hemmingways – had a big debate about vegetarianism – was so good to know that we can have such opposing views but still be able to have a constructive talk about it without fighting.

Had such a lovely evening – came home at about 8 – watched a movie, smashed a pizza.

Yoga Journal #19: Yin Yoga

Went to a Yin Yoga class – didn’t really feel like it but when anyway and SO glad I did!

Def didn’t get a “yogi sweat” on but felt very soft and floaty after class – held each pose for like 5 minutes each – was very different to anything else I’ve done before.Actually quite liked it and it gave some really good time to focus on things like breathing and meditation and activating Mula Bandha and Uddiyana Bandha.

Liked the structure of the class – an Australian teacher.

Husband messaged me to say he wants a yoga mat for his birthday – happiest wife!! Hoping to go to the golf driving range with him tomorrow – need somehow to show him that I want to be as involved in his interests as he is in mine.

Feel that some yoga studios can be quite intimidating places. The first time I ever went into a class with all the “regulars” I felt like I wasn’t really sure if I had “taken” someone’s usual spot or if I would “manage” the class and then ironically it can become quite competitive which is completely the opposite of what yoga is – perhaps that is why I like home practice so much – or perhaps that’s my own thing I need to work on.

Walked back from yoga (Friday evening) passed the dog and Fox (people going out, having a drink etc) and didn’t feel FOMO at all. – only perhaps the fact that there weren’t outside walking in the cold!

Warr at MHS old boys dinner tonight – so excited to spend the weekend together – first weekend off since the start of yoga training!

Yoga Journal #18: Yoga Class Love

Just got home from a yoga studio – asked them if I would be able to do a class observation with them and they weren’t happy with people doing observations within their studio- fair enough – but am a bit worried that I won’t find a place to do them all.

Absolutely LOVED the class this evening!

Things I loved: the class flow and sequence – warm up, sun salutations, basic ones before adding any fancy things. Allows us to go on our own – which was awesome but for newbies it might not be so good?! Explained things using the actions and not the posture names which is helpful to all levels.

Things that I found really useful (me terribly paraphrasing): 
Downward Dog: “imagine your arm pits trying to face each other” I found this really useful at getting the correct external rotation of the upper arm.
Warrior 1: “think of your feet as plugs into the earth – drawing up energy through the mat and up the body right out of the finger tips”
Savasana: “throughout the practice you have drawn up energy through the mat – now it is time to let the mat support you – let the mat lift up to your body as it supports the weight of the body”
Beginning Class: “It has been a busy week/month/busy January – so it’s even more important to make time to come to your mat to be calm, to still your mind – thank yourself for coming to your mat today”
Transitions: Plank – knee- knee to nose, knee in and out, knee to outside elbow, potential to take an arm balance.
Ending: “Raise hands to heart centre/ feeling the peace of this practice and taking it with you into your day/evening”

Warr home – dinner time – left over Thai food – with chicken in it. Had an otherwise veggie day.

Yoga Journal #17: Home Practice.

Didn’t practice in the morning but ended up having a long yoga session in the evening by myself. Taught Warr some yoga when he got home- feeling much more confident in my teaching! Timing is good too. Am really loving the home practice now!

Yoga Journal #16: My First Hot Power Yoga.

Just got back from my first ever HOT power yoga session at a hot power yoga studio nearby. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to enjoy a yoga class again! ha!

The space was really cool – candles, heated wooden floor – although it was pretty loud and weird sounding when people are walking around you. (Possibly won’t lie quite so close to the door next time!).

Things I loved about the class: teacher was confident and gave some options/modifications of using a brick – there wasn’t too much of a real warm up besides one or two Surya Namaskara A and then a modified version. Teacher was good natured and asked us to greet our neighbour which was really nice – we had a palm to palm with our neighbour though which I presume would have been nice for some but after a sweaty hot power yoga session – possibly not so nice for others!

The transition going from 3 legged downward dog to table top (Purvottanasana variation) didn’t really work for me! The wrists are not the right way round and there was no real space to shift over in such a crowded class setting. Made a mental note of that during practice. So clearly I wasn’t in a very “chitta vritti nirodha” state. I also felt the “OM” at the end of the class was so LOUD and SHOUTY – it felt too harsh and forced – perhaps I have just become accustomed to the super soft and peaceful way that we have been doing it during training – connecting to that subtle energy of aum.

The teacher mainly referred to each posture by name only, which I think was quite difficult for beginners – Maybe yoga teachers get lazy? I know this is something that they have warned us to look out for in our own teaching. There also weren’t many adjustments made – but maybe this is just the way of a hot power yoga class? (no one wants to slather themselves in someone else’s sweat?)

Started today with some kriyas and pranayama and some yoga asana – about 25 mins asana for Sun salutes and standing sequence (23:30) Can TOTALLY feel that it affected my entire day – was SO much more productive , alert and aware (in spite of waking up much earlier!) BUT had ticked off SO much of my To Do List before 10am – felt great!

Gonna teach Warr some yoga this evening – he should be home soon!

Yoga Journal #15: Savasana

Dentist app this morn – super shitty! Possible root canal on the 8th February – will see. :(

Didn’t do yoga this morn and can def see how it is a lot harder/more difficult to maintain a home practice when you have a place /job to be at 9am – feel very lucky that I don’t have that. Grateful for the work that I do! Might do some yoga this eve.

Always come home on Sunday with so many things/stories to share with Warren felt like I was overloading him with STUFF – not sure how he felt about the chanting! haha!

Brought my yoga mat home after Savasana practice and did the adjustments on him – he really enjoyed it (obviously). He said, ” I felt like I was reaching some kind of epic ZEN!!?!?!”

Haha.

Welcome to yoga.

Yoga Journal #14: Habit forming

Had a different teacher  for practice today – enjoyed her class although Holly is probably still my favourite?! (if there is such a thing in yoga!?) Super interesting that some of the yogis really liked when she said “breathe in for nothing”  – (I guess it helps you keep track of where you are as a teacher?) but for me  that wording doesn’t fit well because ‘breathing in’ still has a purpose and is always for something (oxygen/life/general staying alive) – even if there is no specific movement connected to it.

I think it’s really good to analyse these things now before I start picking up habits of saying things that i’m not consciously choosing to say – feel already a bit like that with “tuck the pelvis under” so want to stop that before it becomes a habit.

Loved the class because it was a bit more challenging in terms of “fun’ stuff like arm balances/crow etc – but I think that the whole yoga journey is actually teaching me to pull back a lot more and rather just be completely “in” the more “mundane” yoga. To quote Holly “it’s not WHAT you do – it’s HOW you do it.”

Learning all the standing sequence + finishing sequence – has made me really excited for my home practice  – because now I feel like there is a bit more structure to everything.

We taught a partner this evening – I taught Diouldé and felt ok with it. Teaching yoga is definitely much more difficult than the teachers make it look and I think that it’s definitely easy to get caught up in what to say or to give too much information – It’s REALLY helped that I’ve had two days of teaching Warren the Sun Salutations – felt confident with that – even though I feel like I’m constantly repeating myself.

Am setting myself the task this week of learning the sequence of the standing postures.

The timing was good for my teaching practice – so felt happy with that – even though I left out a pose and had to go back!

Also want to learn the pose names for all the standing postures – will be this evening’s work – No TV Monday is actually rather a good thing – soon to be joined by meat free Monday… hehe…. maybe.

Yoga Journal #13: Bandhas Engage

Once again loved Holly’s class this morning – the wording she uses is so amazing and I kind of feel like I want to record everything she says so that I can play them back to myself for inspiration – not that I want to learn her words but feel like when I am doing one of her classes I am so IN the yoga that it’s difficult for me to remember things afterwards even if I try to make mental notes to remember them! (Know Kelly has recorded some classes – will ask her!) Spokea bit about Bandhas on Friday night – so ti was good trying to activate that a bit in the practice today. Still not 100% sure if I am going it too strongly or not strong enough – and guess there is no way to ever really know if you are doing it right or it’s it’s much subtler than you think! Am loving all the learning and new knowledge!

Yoga Journal #12: Collaboration Station

Had the happiest day today – met up with Bobbi at the creative mornings workshop – then had coffee afterwards. Got an email from Rachel at Yoga London (where I am doing my training) – to enquire about working together and I’m SO EXCITED!! Feels like I totally intentioned that shit! I’ve been secretly been thinking about how I would love love to work with Yoga London – and even more so to join in a capacity that plays to my strengths. Met up with Warr for lunch at Itsu and felt SO happy about life and EVERYTHING that after I left I literally just burst out laughing in the middle of street!

He said he felt like something like this was going to come up! LOVE that he is SO supportive of my dreams and vibe! LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Had an amazing class with Holly this evening – am finding it amazing that the exact poses that we will be teaching can be made into such an amazing class – I try to remember some amazing things that she says within the class to write them all down – but then I always forget! Maybe I should write a book on cool yogi phrases?! Hopefully I will slowly start to develop my own “yogi voice” and words and then won’t have to be “copying Holly”! Hope I can be as much of an amazing teacher as she is!

Feeling happy, feeling loved, feeling all the feelings! xxx

Yoga Journal #11: Short one.

Did manage to go for a run on Wednesday eve – well done self! It felt good and definitely want to include more runs this week!

As Warr got into bed this evening he said, “Ah boo – no yoga this evening!” which was really sweet. Am feeling so grateful that he is getting into it!

Did a really awesome and long yoga session on Thursday evening – felt amazing! More of those evenings please! Feeling more confident about the postures and ordering although it’s still all a bit confusing!

Have realised I used a LOT of exclamation marks at the end of every sentence!

Yes – I really do!!

 

Yoga Journal #10: Tiny Progress

Taught husband his second yoga lesson last night and can already see such a huge difference in how his body is responding to the postures as his mind gets a bit more used to the positions – especially downward dog. (I’m not even kidding).

Did some meditation with some crystals next to me this morning – wasn’t very focused to be honest. I often feel like if I get out of bed late then my brain is hurrying to get the day started and doesn’t want to sit for 15 minutes and be still..

Am going to go for a run this evening and hopefully putting it into this journal will make me stick to it!

Yoga Journal #9: Man Teaching

Taught Warr Surya Namaskara A and Surya Namaskara B last night – he did SO well – am so impressed! It is quite difficult teaching someone who is so tight because it is much harder to make adjustments on a body that feels locked – or at least there are less adjustments and more modifications. He did so well thought and I’m so thankful that he is game for me to teach him.

It’s definitely beneficial to have someone to teach who has no concept of yoga – so that I can learn to be more mindful of exactly what wording I need to use. Most of the people (all of the people) in the yoga training class already know where to place their hands and feet in space and pre-empt the words before they come out.

Did some sun salutations this morning A and B and then tried working through the standing sequence – spent some time last night working through the sanskrit names – they are all so similar that it can be a bit of a muddle – but I think I am slowly making headway and getting to grips with it all!

Yoga Journal #8: No Worms.

Only got out of bed late this morning – maybe my body needs it after a full weekend of yoga (or maybe I’m just being lazy). It’s definitely way more physically taxing than I thought – always feel so irritated with myself when I get out of bed late. Either need to change my thinking or get out of bed earlier. No worms for this bird. Ha!

Am hoping to teach Warren some yoga when he gets home tonight – starting with a Sun Salutation – let’s see how that goes. Could end in divorce.

Yoga Journal #7: Speaking in Public

Raoul’s yoga class was such a workout – quite amazing that two yoga classes with essentially the same postures can be so different in the way that they feel. I like them both – but am wondering where my own personal teaching style will fit into along this scale!

We had to teach one posture in class today – to the entire group – it is WAY more complicated than yoga teachers make it look and there is SO much going on and SO much to think about. I had a relatively simple pose to instruct – utkatasana and still felt like I was so nervous and shaky – which is so unusual for me since I’m not a nervous person at all and have LOVED public speaking my whole life – (volunteered myself for ALL the public speaking/debating/get-up-on-stage-things my entire school career!) but maybe it’s different when you are so desperate to be amazing at something?

It’s also such new things to be instructing and I don’t feel confident enough with the wording and instructing yet – (is it an inhale or an exhale?!) – hopefully it will come with time.

Warr cooked us an amazing mushroom “burger” for dinner – substituting the burger buns for Portobella Mushroomws – so yum and low carb and all!

But then I ate half a kilogram of chocolate after that – so I guess healthy eating will have to start tomorrow.

Yoga Journal #6: Sleek Physique

The day seemed to go really quickly today – felt like there was a big emphasis on the Savasana which was AWESOME. It feels good to just be.

Had an anatomy test in class today and knew all of it – which was reassuring since I hadn’t learnt anything (although the quick revision on the train probably helped!)

Am writing this journal entry on Monday and can definitely tell it is easier to write as close to the day as possible.

Having a big lunch (couscous salad) in the middle of the day is not great for doing yoga! A definitely starting to think that in order for me to be the best yoga teacher that I can be, I need to be in the best physical condition that I can. Not sure if this is very “yogi” like or not – but so many of the yoga teachers that I know or admire all have amazing physiques – so makes me feel like I should be like that too.

Will munch on carrot sticks tomorrow.

Yoga Journal #5: The Universe

No Yoga this morn but did 15 min meditation using Headspace. I went to a YouTube workshop last night – in the “luck factor” book it talks about being “open” and about striking up conversations with strangers wherever you go – in the grocery queue, on the train, at the bus station, waiting for coffee – wherever – to build up a “network of luck” – I decided to be completely relaxed, open and aware and decided to introduce myself to one of the guys at the workshop and asked him about his YouTube Channel. We got chatting and the next thing he asked me what I was wanting to do on YouTube – “a yoga series” I said.

“Oh” he said, “I work in a yoga studio”

I mean.

Hahaha.

Love Holly’s yoga style – such a workout but still so flowing and relaxed. Love her music and her choice of wording for each class.

Yoga Journal #4: Social Destruction

Did a longer yoga session last night and felt good – 3 Sun Salutations A and 3 Sun Salutations B – followed by a bit of playing around on the mat.

Woke up at 6 early this morn and went straight to twitter and wasted an hour of my life. Just before 7 felt a bit irritated with myself and read more of my book. The day definitely starts better when it’s not on social media – need to find a way to break the habit – an alarm clock maybe?

Didn’t do any yoga this morn – feel bad about it – but I have already done 3 days in the week and maybe this bod needs a rest! Said to Warren last night that I definitely don’t feel as strong as I used to – boo! Need to do a bit of the yoga reading this evening after the YouTube Workshop.

Did a 15 minute meditation – the Luck Factor started talking about Meditation too! (And being open and aware to new situations. Also relaxed and easy-going as a sub principle for being lucky. I’m going to substitute luck for “the universe” – in linking with the concept of keeping your “luck networks” open – decided to text Eleanor this morning.

Yoga Journal #3: Luck Factor

Did a bit of evening yoga last night  – waiting for Warren to get home – definitely have more energy in the evenings.

Woke up and read in bed this morning (rather than look at my phone first thing) Did two quick sun salutation then sat for a 15 min meditation – felt way more comfortable and focused today – am wondering if it something to do with not looking at my phone first thing?! Gonna try it again tomorrow.

Starting reading the luck factor and it speaks about being relaxed and open to opportunity. It’s a super interesting book but I keep wanting to substitute the word “luck” for something! Maybe exchange it for “the universe” or “life” or “energy” or something. I’m not sure. Wow – that sentence. Am a total hippie. I also feel that the concept of being “relaxed” relates so much to the idea of “all is coming” in that we don’t need to feel anxious or worried – believe that all is coming, feel relaxed and it will all come.

It also speaks about “openness” and being able to see opportunity by not being so fixated on one specific thing that you are rushing after. I can definitely relate to this concept of mindfulness and the much greater, more general awareness that it brings you.

So many of the books I read about luck/success/business/philosophy/psychology all seem to say the same thing but come packaged in different ways.

Yoga Journal #2: Mornings

Woke up at 6am and decided to do a sun salutation – I’m not a morning person at all – so really have to motivate myself to practice at this time! I did about 3 Surya Namaskaras and then my body decided it was done. (Mostly it was my mind though) so I lay down and did some breathing (which TOTALLY COUNTS). It did feel a little bit like I was cheating.

I also did a 15 minute headspace meditation and just found my body could not get comfortable – first I tried sitting on a yoga block, then lying with bent knees, then lying flat on my back – not a very successful meditation session!

I’m hoping to book some yoga classes at a local yoga studio – have never been to a hot power yoga class – so am excited to try.

In terms of morning practice – I have always done it in my pjs with candles in the lounge – it’s a beautiful cozy atmosphere – but am wondering if it is contributing to me feeling like I should rather still be in bed?! What is the line between relaxing, existing and purely enjoying yoga, your body, this space and this moment and “DOING” yoga.
I love the cozy warm nurturing environment that I create in the mornings, but maybe it’s not helping my actual “yoga practice” – does it matter?

Maybe tomorrow will try and change out my pjs but freak balls it is FREEEEEZING. On the other hand, maybe I should just listen to my body and practice in the evenings when it wants to?!

Yoga Journal #1: insecurities.

First full weekend of training done – so super excited! On the Sunday of training we were required to teach someone a basic sun salutation and I must say that I froze up a bit. With the exception of the odd class here and there – the majority of the yoga practice that I have done up until now has been me alone at home  – so when it came to suddenly teach a sun salutation to the person next to us – I felt like I was thrown in the deep end and that everyone else in the class seemed to know so much more than me – which, on your first weekend of training is completely nerve wrecking.
I was totally unsure about the correct order and sequence of the sun salutations and I honestly felt like I was fumbling my way through it all – trying to see what everyone else was doing to try and get it right. I left feeling really worried that everyone else in the course is much more ahead of me.

Today I spent some time really looking at the sequencing of Surya Namaskara B – I even had a dentist appointment and tried to use that time to go through the movements and the breathing in my head – which really helped both in terms of learning the sequence and in distracting myself from the dentist!

Practiced the sun salutations a few times this evening and think it’s helped me to solidify the order which has made me feel more confident with it all!

Spoke to my mom this afternoon and want to showed her how excited I am about everything – but also don’t want to freak everyone out toooo much with all the “weirder” stuff that comes with the yoga training like Kriyas and nose flossing etc!

Warren has been incredible in taking everything on board and I’m so grateful that he has said he wants to be part of it all. I’m still a bit unsure of how much to share with him – because we are probably in different places – and me suddenly talking about strange tummy rollings and lion poses – may be a bit weird to most people! haha! Will have to see how it goes!

Have been feeling a slight aversion to meat lately –  I still like the taste of it and if it’s already in something I’m totally fine with it – I guess I’ve just been more frequently connecting that thing on the plate with an actual living breathing creature.